Tuesday, 12 May 2009


I asked him today about whether you are supposed to feel the different halves of the brain working, as I'm sure I can. He said no unless you were on loads of drugs. But I think I can. Maybe it's the Omega 3. I feel a tension, or perhaps it's a different area of satisfaction, from a thought to an action. 'Oh, look a thought, ah, it's quite good, I shall externalise it before I forget, ah look, a thought on a page. Wow.' And, 'oh look, a really well made jug of milk, look, my physical intervention into the science of protein molecules, the slight adjustments I did subconsciously to make smooth milk, and I didn't even think a single thing, it just happened, ahhh!'

Then, I was thinking about typing. I want to say something that sits at the front of my head, and I want to say it as fast as my mouth would say it if you were a real audience, so I will dance over the keys and my hands will remember as fast as my thoughts where all the letters live. Or, as in this case now, my hands are a bit broken and hurt and soemthines the keys aren' tin the right place and the letters hive moved and the chain is eomhoew broken. Like why do I alwasy tyoe soemtimes like that. Whih part of my brain switches those two lettwes round, s-o-e-m, s-o-m-e. It's like a misfire. Adn since my new RSI imjury tyoing is coming out like this when I go at normal spped. The synapse is shorting.

Maybe I am also tired, but there are definitely different parts of the brain for different activities. Like when you have a mental block, and it's heavy and fuzzy, which part is that? Anyway, I shall have to save all these questions for when I meet my favourite neuroscientist. I don't know what to do my project on. I am trying to bridge the gap between being original and also being mainstream. Like, be new and exciting, but not too much, as people don't, like, like it. You will be speaking to a narrow audience. Sometimes (I just corrected that spelling FYI, happens EVERY time no joke) as narrow as me (in my head here) and me (on the screen here). I'm speaking to myself. Not in a schizophrenic way, just like, my opinions and thoughts are externalising themselves, shaking hands with each other. I barely think at all in my head, I wish I did, I wish I was bursting with ideas, but they only seem to happen when I write them out. Not like what she was just saying about having too many. Maybe my way is better, means I can get to sleep no problem.

But yes I have this theory that the reason I get myself so knotted is that I am a) pessimistic and b) have a bad memory. So I will forget most things I have achieved or thought, and the slight choices I do focus on will be pessimistic! It's quite sad really. I feel like I have only just landed from last weeks work, and I don't feel too confident about that outcome, so I am focusing on that rather than things being new and exciting. Which is only human really. But then with one problem/deadline out of the way I find myself focusing on the next problem down the list, which I shalln't write here but I know it. Always looking for soemthing to be sad about. Maybe I'll be positive tomorrow and grab things.

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