Ooh, ok, so I've had another Monday. That's alright. I was sitting in the cinema trying to conceptualise out loud what I had Done Today. For sure I hadn't spun out, wasted time, forgot myself, cried, panicked. None of the bad stuff. So I called what I had done 'research'. Yes. Not so much as a gathering of information to be presented, as a gathering of information for the sake of information gathering. Plainly, having things to talk about. I imagined earlier today my brain as a dry car washing sponge, dirty crispy dry, and this research I am doing is dampening it from it's solidity. It's turning into a soft shape again, yes it is, ready to soak up this amazing time I'm about to have.
So I did hardly nothing today. I think the week is so far aggregating nicely, a Tuesday of work, design museum, serious two-course cooking and fifteen miles of cycling on a 5.30 get up, sandwiched between two days of almost nothing. I think this is sensible, reckless and fine. I had a good listen to Iain Sinclair on Midweek, good breakfast (x2), some couch surfing research, trying to make a last.fm gig friend for Paris, some box and drawer tidying, trip show Googling, an hour of yoga. I loved watching Tom Dyckhoff present the Cuture Show from the exhibition I was in yesterday, having served him coffee last week. I love that, flattening, reality, nudge. Scares the shit out of me.
I knew I recognised the Nina Tolstrup furniture, very excited to soon have one of her lights hanging from my ceiling for £12.74. I enjoyed the design actually, regretted throwing away the Braun Aromatic coffee grinder box so much, just couldn't face him looking back at me everytime I looked at it. Dammit. I bought the Happy Hypocrite, which I've yet to look at, this weird thing I do where I'm waiting for an intelligence which is imaginary and cold, like I'm not ready or can't believe I can think or have the right constructed thoughts.
Anyway, I'm going to try harder next day off. I'm very happy with my room now, including this blogging bench I've got here. Wondering what feng shui says about 2 opposing mirrors. I'm waiting to get a table out back for some studio mentality (what you gonna make, I don't fucking know alright, just sssh, I'm reading). I'm very excited about compartmentalising my ideas and urges and sparkles. I have three desk drawers of
which I made a non drawing of too as it made me very happy to create this visual and mental hierarchy. I am enjoying the drip-down of art into stories, or the reach up of stories into art. I like the journalism at the bottom but it could ideally do with being a separate piece of furniture. But I like how it can be a net underneath the floaty, uncertain stuff.
What do I mean by Try Harder. I mean: think of new things, be scared by ideas, invent, wildness, looseness, boundaries pushed further, making mistakes, giggling at new things, being pure and untainted, having faith in making and thinking, being discursive, keeping informed by things within reach and out of reach, talking to people about things that aren't quite ready to talk about yet, not being scared of uncertainty. I am waffling. At the end it's just thinking/doing. Doing/making. Faire. And if I just make sure I keep dampening my brain down in between the monotony, then that's the best I can do for now. It's in fact more than good enough. It's moving forward.