How quick is too quick with regards to answering emails, texts, and facebook posts? If you're alone as much as me and sit as close to the computer as me, the internet becomes my life line and the ding of an incoming makes something light up inside. But how quick is too quick? Everyone does it when you meet someone new, like a friend or a potential, you don't want them to think you haven't got a life concurrently as having a phone. But right now I don't have much of a life, I have consigned myslef to being alone with my research at a time when all I really need is humanity.

So it's been difficult. Researching is fun, facts to tell people, ideas to fit in, but it occurred to me that wouldn't it be so much more rewarding to write a piece for Elle on How to Have A Break Up Not A Break Down. Or some recipe writing including experimental pancakes, putting rosewater in the batter and lavender sugar, for instance. Or making a trip to the National Railway Museum to write about the restoration of the Flying Scotsman. Or any other amount of ideas which are just steps, rather than this great heavy monolith I'm trying to create, and am inevitably going to fail.

I have barely seen anyone for 3 days. I mean I've been out, I've been bodies, but not people. I have had several jilted phone conversations, where I've almost wanted to say, I'm sorry I haven't had a conversation with a person in the room for 2 days, I'm finding this a little weird. I nearly called the Escape Editor, but I'm glad I didn't, as I still don't really know what I'm supposed to say. Hi, you don't know me, but I'm doing a project on trains and I need to know if your think it fits a gap. That's it. I think there's a gap though, so why should I have to get someone of worth to prove it?

I haven't interviewed anyone. It will come to it that I am just ringing up press offices for quotes next week, but I'm still not really sure what I'm supposed to say. I'm writing this feature on ... and I need you to say ... so I can back it up. I just don't feel liek the course has covered this too well. The jargon side of things. the calling is all about knowing the lexicon of obtaining quotes from people. I know if I could just follow someone round for a few hours and listen to them do it I'd go, ah yes, as that's the tyoe of learner I am, you tell me what I have to do and I will run with it. If you don't tell me, I just don't know, and I can't seem to craft it for myself.

I am rather enjoying the secondary research. It's intrinsic to who I am to pick up on interesting things, I just like different stuff, but the primary bit is where I fall. How am I supposed to ask someone to say something if I don't know what I want them to say. it's calling someone up and saying, I'm pressing record now, you're going to be a genius now, right. And you're having this conversation where they know you are waiting for them to say something amazing. They can probably hear the yes! moment in your tone of 'riiight'. Anyway I wouldn't say this is the sole problem, seeing as I am missing tutorials all over the place and keep putting my In Design documents in the trash. But it was a problem before all the other stupid problems, so I need to work on it.

Perhaps about now is long enough to make that reply.