Sunday, 22 March 2009

Make Like The Equinox and CLEAN

Yes, pretty much just that really. I keep having these ridiculous Sundays that revolve around eating stops, browsing 99p out-of-date magazines at the newsagent, and buying expensive stuff in Fresh & Wild, sorry, 'Wholefoods Market'. I remember the time I had to look up 'wholefood' to see what it meant. It was about the time I found out what fibre was. Look at me now, knowing enough to even fall off the wheat wagon! Brioche and a sausage roll in about 7 minutes, and gorgeous they were. The sausage roll was peppery meaty and I swear had carrots in it. Crunchy sugar brioche, mmm. Maybe I should stick to ready carbs after this cake and roast debacle. Too many things at once and it goes wrong. Sometimes right, but yes, often wrong.

So I buried myself under printed media yet again, but actually enjoyed the sifting. I don't know if it's the omega 3 but I seem to be able to concentrate better lately. Only marginally, but still. If only I could stop time, or at least pull it out a bit. Last week went disgustingly fast, I hardly remember it, and can't say whether I felt hardly or more, alive. The structure of my time is rather disjointed, and it seems to take me a few days to recharge after a trip to Liver. It feels like I am one of those 80s tape recorders, where you press play and record together, and pause between songs. When I go to Liver the pause button is pressed and I'm suspended and when it's released it seems to take time to rectify. I only just realised what my brain is up to when I go there. It has a deep scarred area. It wants to heal but something overrides and goes no, no. Stay down. Well, I figured I know this now,so I can watch it and control it a bit more?

Anyway, it's been a few days and again it's Monday, another chance, another week. I am measuring my time in blocks which is nice, rather than just chronic confusion. It feels like, right, what can I do this week? Where can I end up? It does prove difficult after work has set in and consecutively robs me of 4 constructive days and then it's Sunday, today, and tomorrow's Monday, again. Here we go again. You need these days of rest and recuperation, but then equally you need the days where you just jump into the freezing cold water of real and do some really scary stuff. Those are the days when you push on, and these are the days where you can sit back and admire what you did.

I was reading the paper(s) today and it suddenly dawned on me that I left at exactly the right time. Had I left it six months, the time for new employment would have been rocky and no doubt further made difficult by a 'panic buy' mentality. It would've made moving a whole lot more difficult. And I would've been stuck (imagine). But I felt more than a bit grateful about my job today, and in turn more grateful for my day off from it. Lazy yes, satisfying, YES. Despite the fact that it's 10.06pm, I am still waiting for my Sunday roast, and I have made an accidental twice-baked carrot cake...

No comments: