Thursday, 10 December 2009


I got really fired up today, a few times. The first was cappuccino chauffeur laughing when I said I didn't recognise a 'version' of a Scottish note. It looked old and too colourful to be real, the image of her as my conscience roared up, and I put myself on a platter for his laughs. He smirked into himself like a slug, couldn't let me in on his joke, and I wanted to smack him in the face.

Soon after, I dropped lids into milk and he played with me about my clumsiness. I found I wasn't playing and just wanted to break stuff. It passed, I thought it out, or perhaps in, I washed dishes anyhow. Later, I got displaced on milk after unfairly having too much to do, followed by shots coming through like they were being fired out of the machine. I moved and it moved, but again I wondered where. Did it leave me, or dig deep.

Despite this, I managed to have Two Good Days at Work. By this I mean I felt very energised and like I was doing a good job and doing very good chat, hearing myself speak for once and making sure I believed everything I was saying as always. I was waiting for the day to crash, but it didn't. I am putting it down to Enough Sleep. I have only been doing it for four nights but I must say I feel pretty good. That, or I needed to be ill, to just be slowed and recalibrated.

I am sad I had to miss dancing tonight. Finishing at 10.15 would have meant getting in at 11pm and not getting to bed till 12, then up again at 6.30. I hung around the market eating chips for an hour, my subconscious trying to persuade my conscious that dancing was a good idea. I ignored it and ate chips. The man in the chip shop laughed at me too. It didn't make me angry, it made me pathetic.

Why do I still go to the Rock and Sole Plaice(sp?) when they are so fricking rude every time. I only want half chips I said, WE DON'T DO HALF CHIPS he snapped, well give me half and I'll pay full, I told him tiredly. The man in front laughed at me. He didn't share the laughter and I was mad again. I was too hungry to think of throwing chips at him or anything like that. After remaking my misheard order, he gave me an 80p refund. I got half chips for under half price. I was not expecting that.

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