Wednesday, 28 October 2009

A new structure

I started today in a heavy clumsy mood, dropping and knocking stuff all over the place and spiting everything. I was on shots and in some sort of zone, if not the one, but I decided to try and mentally note down instances of interest, in order to keep me from screaming I'M SO FUCKING BORED I WANT TO THROW THIS HANDLE JUST TOWARDS THE BIT WHERE THE WALL AND THE FLOOR MEET BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOT COPE THIS HOUR THIS MINUTE THIS SECOND THIS MOMENT.

The guy from the Fast Show came in again. I forgot he was also Mr Weasley. He looked twinkly and it was early so he wasn't funny or odd but you got the feeling he was keeping a low profile. I wanted to start my cup signings there and then, again, but I just couldn't embarrass myself to start it. I thought it through and handed him his black and filter with a dash, is that enough milk in there for you, yes thanks. Then pm Ian Kelsey yuck came in, and was doing those 'you know you want it' eyes beyond my own customer, so I talked extra friendly and averted the eyes and wanted to ask him to sign a cup for my mum. The fucker. Yuck.

Later I joked with the owner's daughter's boyfriend in the fridge, I bet you come in here just for a sneaky break don't you, why the hell did you just say that, I don't bloody know, I'm just spinny and droppy and woozy, not really in it today, and I'm trying to create some instances to report later, or something. I enjoyed the universe moment in the fridge, the bit where things feel smaller and the world is do able, you just need to work out what it is you want to do. My caramel macchiato came in later, and I just was so dull and flattened I didn't sparkle and I didn't care. There was some movement of qi however, reminding me I was alive, just.

Not much else occurred at all. I kind of admired his bravery for popping in, but took it as a lesson to know when all is done, when to give in or up. I thought perhaps I'd got the wrong idea altogether? I got my hair cut and it was fine, not world changing like it used to be. I went to lindy hop. It was fucking amazing. All I want is a man who wants to dance. Rhythm. Style. It. I was super glad I went but now I'm so tired I can't think of anything better to say that first person reporting. I wanted to start posting more. I have a rather amazing few days planned. I shall reflect on them soon. Next week I start my assault on the world. Contacting people, having ideas and being New. November.

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