I'm having a day researching, looking at things, thinking about things, stepping back from them and shuffling round them and then jumping back in for another tussle. It's hard, because not only is the writing having to splinter into new ways, the reading is also. Before, I would read for intellectual expansion, for current cultural happenings, for well-written pop stories, for trashy fashion snippets, for interviews with new or old heroes, for clever and lite comment on serious news. I would read things that I aspire to be or know more about. I would consume printed media in an ambitions way, a way of expanding my ideas on things that make me tick. Now, as well as doing that, I find myself trying to be less passive, less personal. Things I see or listen to are squinted at with a critical ear, what can I get from this, how can I USE this, how can I do something new. It's hard. As well as this, I still have my writing/art split, so whilst reading I am also finding pictures of things that make me thirsty for the visual.
I'm reading the papers (well on the internet but it's a double-sided noun) and there's this difficulty with reading for interest or ideas. Am I reading this thing for a full stop at the end, or a comma. Am I to respond or just ingest? When I read the story about the government cutting back on fats in the public sector, what does it mean or matter that I know a better pie doesn't need a full pastry case, but just a loose blanket of dough, and I know exactly how to make that dough? Why now, because people always want pies; who cares, doesn't everyone like a pie? And when I read about the peanut allergy cure, I have personal experience, not expert insight. It seems to be about developing a personal commentary, using one's own expertise. But it's not enough to explain the virtues of a velvety chicken stock in the student paper.
Anyway I don't think this stuff belongs here again, so I'm going to break my own unwritten rule and only write 2 paragraphs.